Greetings people of God. How is your week going? Any new things? You people should be keeping me informed about you na. I am the only one who keeps talking and talking. But oh well, na me give myself work.
Today, I am going to be giving you first hand tips on the chief bridesmaid duty at a Nigerian wedding. Read and learn.
1. Do not waste your time and go and google chief bridesmaid duties. It will lead you nowhere. You need to understand that the Nigerian thinking is different. A Nigerian wedding is not set up like a white wedding so the tips you will find online will not help you at all. Example They will say, ‘make sure the bride is calm and happy’. When in the morning you’re hustling to get your make up done in time for church so that nobody will shout at you. How are you supposed to calm the bride when you are faced with your own small wahala? In my case sef, the bride got ready and went down before me. It was just God that helped me make it down in time for her departure to church.
Ps: Don’t forget her flat sandals o. Except she is like my sister and heels are like bare feet to her. Take your own too o, because even if you are the queen of heels, the errands you will run during the reception won’t let you be great.
2. You can’t afford to fumble in church, especially if you are the junior sister of the bride and your mother has been warning about it for almost two months. Half the time, they might just be exaggerating o, but still listen to them. Do not grab the whole train and hold unto it tight, like you are trying to protect it from dirt. The bride knew there was sand on the ground before she bought the dress, so don’t make it look as if she bought the wrong dress. Just arrange the train and walk behind her to make sure she isn’t stepping on the dress. Finish. Shine small in church o, because things are going to get lit at the reception.
3. Let me just tell you, most of the time, you are actually a slave of both bride and groom. So get ready. When the best man that has bae leaves his job during reception and goes to sit down like a guest, you are the one that will go and look for food for the groom. You cannot say no because the bride will change it for you. So beg the best man after mass/service to stay put and beg his bae to be good so that he won’t be distracted. Except the best man is your bae. He can only misbehave and go and sit with his friends, that one sef is not a problem, by the time you threaten him, he will behave. No time.
4. A huge paper bag is an essential part of your chief bridesmaid starter park. You’ll need it to pick all the money that people will spray the couple. The couple has trusted you with this money and you can’t joke with it. The dance with the couple is not for you so better concentrate on your job and don’t start dabbing up and down. Don’t vex if it’s only 20 naira notes you pick, afterall tiny drops of water make a mighty ocean.
5. You need to get those tears ready. When everyone is escorting her to her husband’s house, you have to cry. Don’t allow her mother in law start thinking ‘This one that they are not crying as she is going, I hope she is a good geh o.’ Cry as if she is relocating to the abroad and you will never see her again. Don’t just cry, weep. If you have to use robb and onions, use it. Let her feel loved.
I hope I have helped you on your journey to becoming the perfect bridesmaid. If the bride doesn’t come and thank you after her honeymoon, then… (Lemme shut up now before you go and do rubbish and the swear that I would have swear for myself will now follow me). Please remember to comment and subscribe too. If you like don’t subscribe, I will keep sending you broadcast messages everywhere.Jacinta Amune